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Conrad Ormsson

Sir Angus Poisselamppe

Rediscovering the Rules

"We'd been playing it wrong all these years!"


That ancient, noble and historic sport, 'Croquet' has for many years been attempted by many, but has been found to be ever so slightly tedious and somewhat boring .


However, thanks to the Nonsuch Guild, and a chance meeting held in a public tavern somewhere deep in the heart of Surrey, Great Britain, Mssr. Conrad Quast and Sir Angus Poisselampe stumbled across the startling discovery that we have been playing the game by the wrong rules for many years!


As they researched the game, the realisation that there was a recognisable sport hidden behind the facade of traditional 'Croquet' that had been obfuscated by an inferior ruleset. They pieced the original ruleset together through a combination of dedicated research and discussion in the public houses that are so abundant in leafy Surrey. 


They made a pact that Battle Croquet would prove to be the phoenix that rises from the ashes of the travesty that is known as Association Croquet.


Several years later, the dream was realised when a small, intrepid group of Nonsuch Guildmembers came together for a meeting on the sixteenth of August, 2015 to scratch their heads and see if they could collectively piece together the final rules for this very important sport.


Their findings were tested out on an unsuspecting recreation ground, in Raynes Park, Surrey - to the amazement of onlookers, one of whom almost dropped his scone. These are not the rules we are used to!


On the 22nd of August 2015, on the lawn of Christchurch in New Malden, the game was played for the first time at The Surrey Steampunk Convivial, to the bewilderment of spectators, passers-by, and several of the actual players themselves.


Ladies and gentlemen: sports lovers the world over. Settle down. The rules of  "The Queen of Games" have been restored to the full glory of the game, as it was originally intended.


Prepare yourself for: Battle Croquet!


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