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What's On? Ohhhh, just Loads of stuff, that's what!


Literature, Theatre, Art Exhibitions, Competitions, Music, Games and Sports: Battle Croquet, Fling-a-Familiar Bazooka, Splendid Teapot Racing, Umbrella Fencing (Bumbershoot Baritsu), Tea Duelling, Poetry, Dancing, Markets and Traders, Sculptures, talks, workshops, Miniature Battle Re-enactment, Sythesisers, Reptiles and Snakes, A Monkey Bellboy, Ostrich Racing , Magic, Corset Limbo dancing, Enforced Ventriloquy, Film projections, Snail Racing . . . and much, much more!


Or click here to dowload a printable pdf. It may take some time! You'll have time to pop the kettle on and settle down to a nice cup of tea!

Tea Duelling


In keeping with tradition, there shall be a vigorous bout of tea-duelling - that authentically faux Victorian sport involving two opponents facing each other and dunking a selection of malty biscuits into a steaming hot cup of tea.


The biscuits are held partially submerged, then retracted from their five seconds of beverage soaking and held between the fingers by each opponent.


And then the game of brinkmanship and nerves commences: the biscuit, by now quite soggy and desirous of surrendering to gravity must make its way into the Tea duellist's mouth completely - and the last person to do so without dropping a single soggy crumb - is the winner!


Traditionally The Mayor (or deputy) has attended tea duelling at The Surrey Steampunk Convivial, and we hope shall be be on hand to present the prestigious award. Hooray!

Here is a fabulous depiction of tea duelling by the wonderful artist Miss Citrus.






Indoor market opens



The Jenga



Book reading with the Wonderful Daren Callow



The Best Invention



The Nonsuch Philharmirliton (Kazoo) Orchestra – audience participation welcomed!



Dead Victorians



Tea Duelling – for The Nonsuch Ashes



The Incredible Mandi Harkett



Shadow Lanterns



The Astoundingly Cunning Wordsmith Simon J. Keenan - poetry



The Scintillating Ziazan – Raiders of the Lost Art



The Sensational Darren Gooding - storytelling



Bumbershoot Baritsu (or Umbrella fencing for the uninitiated...)



The Bearded Lady Sings for your entertainment



Steampunk Supercilliousness Slam!



The Lovely Lucy Furlong – with poetry!



La Diva! Marianna Harlotta!



Choro Bandido






- until close - The Most Excellent Steampunk DJ!


Once again, we shall be holding a spot of Splendid Teapot Racing.


This one hundred per cent faux Victorian sport consists of modifying a base vehicle by adorning it with a teapot of some sort, and negotiating it around various Highly Dangerous obstacles.


Simone Montgomery, the inventor of the sport has kindly allowed the Official Rules to be placed over here, so please peruse them well and bring your teapot along if you are brave enough to enter!…/splendid-teapot-racing-rules/

We need you to get involved - yes, that's right: YOU!



We shall be trying out a most delightful sport: Teapot Racing. For the rules, please click here


Do bring along your remote control teapot and enter it against the other contestants for the race. There will be various obstacles, and vehicles race one at a time, and then I believe there will be a free-for-all bedlam drag race. 



To create a racing teapot, you simply need a base vehicle (the best advice we can offer is to keep to the regulation dimensions, or you may come a cropper!), and dream up some scheme of transporting your teapot atop it.) We think it is a good idea for teapots to carry some kind of pilot too...let your imagination run wild!




Earlier this year, someone mentioned that I should organise a Steampunk football match. A few people that know me well might have been aware of my intense interest in...altering...the game ever so slightly, and with this in mind I wandered the streets last night thinking about how this could best be done. And do you know what I stumbled upon? Three tiny Subbuteo footballs, right there on the pavement, boxed, unused, and asking to be picked up. Yes...Subbuteo! That led me to think about how much I disliked the process of flicking little tiny men all over the place, with their strange Weeble shoes. So, I thought about that age old game of 'blow football', using straws and a ping pong ball...but that seemed so unhygienic, and also strangely silent for what should be a loud and raucous game. I racked my brains for a solution.


So I am pleased to present what I believe could well catch on and supersede the current game of Soccer, dwindling in popularity as it is. Volunteers for the game should sign up at the forthcoming Convivial. (Shorts not required...)




We are looking for 2 teams of players for the revival of this age old sport: Battle Croquet.


For anyone who has always wondered how this fun, yet complicated game is played - please sign up or volunteer on the day!


Battle Croquet is truly "The Queen of Sports" and has been played in England, America, New Zealand and (shortly) in Canada too!


Here are the basic Surrey rules for Bumbershoot Baritsu (Umbrella Fencing):

The EQUIPMENT required is as follows: 
1. Two space helmets which entirely cover the head (which still do not have airholes in - so although they protect the head admirably, there is a mild danger of asphyxiation). 

2. Two flour sieves, each of which having two egg cups firmly secured to the upper part: on which are balanced two balls of mostly equal size. These balls are connected to the egg cup holders by strings of slightly uneven length. 

3. Two duelling umbrellas which must have small leather boxing gloves attached to the pointy bit.

PLAY: You and your opponent should each have a second, who helps you get your helmet in place. With your non-fencing hand, you must hold the sieve in front of your face with the balls balanced atop it. You must select your weapon (the thumbs of the boxing glove should face the spectators), and grasp the weapon firmly, pointing it at your opponent. After the referee's count of "three, two, one" - you "Fence!"

The first one to make your opponents balls both drop is the winner. Bashing each others helmets is permitted. The sport requires three rounds to be played - the winner is the best of the three. 
The seconds must be on hand to readjust players balls as required. They must also allow the players to replenish a lungful of air in between rounds. 
There must be (at least) one referee who commentates on play as it unfolds. 
Indefinite wins are put to the public vote to choose the winner - however a draw demands a decider round.

Any euphemisms that occur must be entirely accidental. The audience should stifle their laughs. This is a serious sport.

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